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In Zen they talk an awful lot about beginners mind.
I remember reading Shunryu Suzuki wonderful little book back in the 70s and being struck by its simplicity and then relatively recently reading ‘Outlines of Pyrrhonism’ and suddenly Suzuki made sense… at last!
In fact, since reading ‘Outlines of Pyrrhonism’ things have become simpler. Many of the books on Zen and in particular the Chinese sources have suddenly come together in one vast explosion of understanding.
Or is it ‘overstanding’?
I think what was missing was my beginner’s mind!
I think I was attempting to read too much into the books and ideas without:
“Dropping Away Body and Mind,” as Dogen says.
I was over-intellectualising everything.
I needed a good dose of Pyrrho.
It seems to reach the parts others don’t just reach, and it does it through argument rather than sitting all day on a cushion.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing and maybe I didn’t believe that the western philosophers could offer me anything of any value and I was wrong.
Maybe they weren’t exotic enough for me.
Living in the North East as a youngster, I felt that there should be more to life.
Working in the ship repair yards on the Tyne wasn’t exotic!
It was dirty, oily, cold and usually wet.
The clanking and crashing of steel and the incessant buzz of arc welders everywhere assailed the senses. It was a visceral place and in retrospect I probably missed the beauty of it.
I spent most of my time thinking about the future, about how I would escape and become a Monk. I would sit on the quayside lost in thought watching the clouds on the horizon out at sea thinking about what it would be like to be in the Himalayas.
Cold, crisp air, clear intense blue skies filled with billowing white clouds, Tibetan Prayer flags flapping in the freezing Tibetan air and the thought of meditating all day entranced me.
My reverie being quickly broken by the harsh tones of the Foreman Jimmy.
“Kung Fu… What yee deein? Get your tools and come ower here!”
(my nickname in the shipyards was Kung Fu)
His index finger always seemed to be up his right nostril and his other was always scratching his crotch.
Definitely not exotic.
So I found myself getting wrapped up in Tibetan Buddhism. It was a comforting religion and the rituals and accoutrements fascinated me. They were other worldly and unusual.
Different.
Looking back, it did not differ from the traditions of the Christian Faith that I had no interest in. Lots of metaphysics, prayers, chanting and incense; but offering me little in the way of helping me get an answer to my existential questions.
I was replacing one set of dogmas for another more exotic set.
Not at all conducive to awakening and putting me even deeper into a trance. Hypnotic mumbo jumbo.
I read all I could and got deeply embroiled in the Vajrayana tradition studying at Samye Ling Monastic Centre.
I even contemplated taking monastic vows.
But after investing many years of thought, reading and practice, I was certain that no one here could give me the answers. The ideology had too many contradictions for me.
I took my search further afield with Japanese Zen and the Soto tradition.
For me, Zen made much more sense. It was simple, austere and although at times confusing, it liberated my mind. I still felt however that as before I was trying to find an identity.
Albeit a Japanese one this time!
I was always looking too far outside myself.
Fast forward to the present day and although my journey continues I have found a still point in my thought processes. Stephen Batchelor’s excellent books kicked off a process that led me to studying Hellenistic Philosophies and they drew me into reading Pyrrho and following Doug Bates on Facebook.
His book “Pyrrho’s Way” was published and BANG!… This was it.
I remember my first Jukai, a 7 day retreat culminating in Lay Ordination complete with a new Japanese name, at Throssel Hole Zen Priory and attempting to rationalise Beginners Mind to no avail. (
I thought hours of Zazen (seated meditation) would give me the answer, but no.
Upon a first reading of Outlines of Pyrrhonism, something tipped me over into an altered state. In fact, I think it didn’t so much alter my state but allowed me to see something that was so obvious I felt that I had already glimpsed it before.
My problem had been that I had wanted to KNOW something.
I had been searching so hard that I was no longer opening myself up to any other possibilities.
That is quite sad when I think about it now.
Being someone who knew something was more important than being awake.
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the experts there are few”
as Suzuki says in his introduction to “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind”.
I was trying to be an expert!
With Pyrrho (and with Zen) I dropped my fixed views about things and now when I read Suzuki’s words:
“The essence of Zen is ‘not always so’”
It makes sense. It really makes sense to me.
It’s a great maxim to have and fits in perfectly with Pyrrho’s maxims of which I will write next post.
So next time when you sit…
Sit with:
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the experts there are few”
and tell me if your body and mind drops away.
But don’t worry if it doesn’t!
This will be the subject of my next online meditation sessions.
Join me every Tuesday night at 6pm on Zoom.
…Find your Beginners Mind…